I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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