need another drink. this is the easiest way
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
