I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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