Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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