I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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