New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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