just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't turn off my feet"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
