I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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