Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
