Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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