Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dear god my vagina.
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