I hate your face
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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