Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
