I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
