I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
