you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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