I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
