do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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