Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
