In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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