Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
