It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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