I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Say something about gay babies.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
