if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
