Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
