she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she told me i tasted like america
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
