now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
