You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dignity is for republicans.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
