just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
