so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
