Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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