I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
