Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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