I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
