WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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