Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
