Don't you send me to vm
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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