Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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