nut hugger
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
