its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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