she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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