from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
