I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
