I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
