When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
