she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
be right there i have to get my cape
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
