Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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