i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
