For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
