One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
