I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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