D3 body, D1 cock
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
