I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
