im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
