I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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