I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
