put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
