guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
