I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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