he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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