Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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