Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
