dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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