During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
