I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
