Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i barfeds in our rink
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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