im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
