i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
