It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
