We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
