That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
