I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
